The Day I Almost Bitch-slapped an Old Lady

One of the joys of being a young actor trying to make it in the biz is that most of the time you have to create your own projects to get noticed. In an effort to become better at the filmmaking end, I've enrolled in a class that primarily focuses on filmmaking. For this class, I had to film a monologue. I ended up filming it myself, and since I don't own a tripod, I decided just to go to the park to film and see if I could prop it up on a picnic table or park bench or something.

I found a perfect spot. The bench was the perfect height, the lighting was just right, I was sheltered form the wind, and there weren't too many people around.

As I was just starting a 2nd take, an old couple walks by talking, so I shut off the camera. Then, they sit down AT MY BENCH. I wasn't sure what to do, so I sat there for a minute to see what they were going to do. It seemed like they were planning on sitting there a while, so I politely said, "Excuse me, I'm working on a film project so I was just wondering--" and then I'm RUDELY interrupted by this lady who says in her thick Armenian or Israeli or Something Middle Easterny accent, "I sit on this bench every day." "Yes, but there are a lot of other benches and it would be nice if--" "I TOLD YOU TO BE QUIET." "Ok, but--" "I live here and I come here every day." "I live here too, and I was here filming something when you came and--" "I SAID BE QUIET!!"

Now, I'm not one to yell at strangers in public, especially old ones who clearly have no manners or sense of personal space, so I do the mature thing and start calling people on my phone to be loud and obnoxious.

When that didn't work, I called my friend Caroline so I could talk to her in Spanish about how rude these people are, and ended up finally moving while screaming in Spanish "VOY A MOVER PORQUE ESTAS PERSONAS ESTAN BIEN RUDAS!!!" Which means "I am going to move since these people are so rude!!"

I secretly hope they understood Spanish.

Then I thought of about 1,000 things I could have said to them but I'm glad my mind isn't that quick because what kind of benefit (besides personal satisfaction) would I have gotten from cussing out hundred-something year old people in the park?